[Sunday December 31st, 2006] walking away again  seems like i know the back of your head better than the front  but hey  you don't see me stopping you  not a word out of my mouth this time  just walk away  you don't see me stopping you  'cause i've got better things to do today  you can just keep on walking  looking smaller from my window  'cause it don't hold the same as it used to  getting smaller down the street It's funny how sometimes you treat your best friends  like they're not your friends at all  you think i'm happy with the lies that you feed me?  i'm unaware about the way you mistreat me?  i think you underestimated our situation  next time when you decide to leave  i'll have time to care, but not today  you're walking away  seems like i know the back of your head  better than the front but hey  you don't see me stopping you  'cause i've got better things to do today  we wait above a road. We're turning to go home. And the silence from the side of the car, Tells me everything and how we are. Is there no more trying to make this so right. Theres no more trying tonight. And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone, And I wonder if, I'm alone in your head. I know something is wrong, I just don't know what to do. You say it's only me, and, that I'm so perfect for you. I don't want to try no more, I don't want to make this right. I just want you to be true to me one time. Twelve days gone by, since I have saw you last, I'll give this one more try, I'll give it all my best, and, I'll ask What could you be doing that is so much fun? Without me by your side? And, I will take a step back, and, I'll let you ahead, And, I will take a step away, and, see if you come back, Because there's no more trying to make this so right, Theres no more trying, no more crying Theres no more trying tonight. We will never be the same again. Roll tape and decode the moans

[Monday February 6th, 2006] She shacked up with the wrong surgeon [[Doctor! Doctor!]] What have you done? She slept beneath a blanket of scalpels and woke up with skin like fingernails. [[Doctor! Doctor!]] What pleasure do you crave when sex lacks passion? When the hospital lights are dimmed low? This knife cut fashion lacks compassion but who says being an abomination of human cartilage isn't a statement? Now cover girl, [[your cover up drips like dairy.]] When I see you, walking >>by yourself<< I wanna cut the corners off your lips, I wanna shave the angles off your cheeks, I wanna wash the geometry off your face. Those cosmetics run, run, run like ivory blood burns. You keep coming back to get fucked on the operating table. You keep coming back a different shade of nauseating. It's time to take that face back to the bank and count the cash you really make. Pennies DOCTOR  pennies I am wrecked. I am overblown. I'm also fed up with the common cold. But I just hate to say goodbye To all the metaphors and lies  That have taken me years to come up with.  [[[Say it's true. Say you like me. I like you ]]] Just for the night For me it's been eternity..  And as I gently sip this drink,  I think about my lack of future, And all the places I could learn to fall in love . I know I shouldn't waste my time, Wishing I'd been better designed, Yet for some reason still think. I am wrecked. I am overblown. I'm also fed up with the fucking common cold When I just want to feel alive For the first time in my life, I just want to feel attractive today.   Roll tape and decode the moans

[Friday February 3rd, 2006] ( ♥ ) Roll tape and decode the moans

[Friday February 3rd, 2006] ( you're flesh without bone Another footsoldier in an army of clones So fuck your snide ways and your snotty asides I fucking hate you and all of your kind ) Roll tape and decode the moans

[Friday February 3rd, 2006] oh my god my hair isnt straightended and i dont have a pakc of ciggerettes!!!!!!   my lykeee lyfee is over.     oh yeah.thats me for you alright. Sorry I groom myself.And enjoy looking nice.   Torri isn't here today =[   He says he love's you But the make up will not cover up the bruises He left on you  He's a drunk and abusive He thinks that you'll never leave him I think you should have the chance To enjoy the friends you have He wants to erase them I know that you are trying hard not to show it But the coward is an asshole he's shameless He'll always hurt you One day he'll kill you He's always hurting you One day he'll kill you Roll tape and decode the moans

[Thursday February 2nd, 2006] This etheral hate stands , at the foot of your bed , knife at hand. you found comfort in another man and forsake these own arms but can he still whisper sweet nothings when he has no throat? we are fated toxic lovers pain and passion interwoven and it's poison to my spirit when i'm not the one you've chosen If looks could kill you'd be a murderer, maybe just a whore, maybe you're a.. If looks could kill you'd be a murderer, maybe just a whore.. maybe just a whore 4 Roll tape and decode the moans

[Thursday February 2nd, 2006] [ music | beethoven-Die Geschöpfe des Prometheus ] Im getting really fucking sick of people treating me like shit like I'm fucking worthless and dumb. Like I don't fucking understand. And I'm sick of feeling like I'm not trusted. I made a mistake and said one thing to one person. People treat me like I'm an idiot. Example: "OH MY GOD ALANNA YOU READ A BOOK?" yes actually I DO read.I read a LOT. a lot more than most people do or think. Sorry I don't carry books around and read them while I walk. Since new years I've read six books. Lyke oh mmee gawd.Im litterate. People think I do bad in school because I can't help it or im dumb. Yeah so remind be again, who's the one with a $15,000 scholarship to MPH? Yeah hi that would be me. I wish people knew what went on in my head. If you call me a "pothead" or you think that all I do is smoke pot then eather you're a fucking idiot or you really really dont know me, but probably think you do. People think that I wont listen to theire problems when in fact YES I will And I'll do my BEST to help. you think that just because I haven't gone through what you're going through that I can't possibly in some way, help. I hate when people make fun of my family. Saying we're "Rich"....It's the most stupid fucking thing you can do. yeah SORRY ASSHOLE. It's not MY fault My parents make more money than yours. It sounds like im bragging but I dont NEED to. everyone else fucking does it for me. "oh Alanna you have everything" "Oh Alanna why don't you call daddy to pick you up on the motorcycle" um alright I will. Who's fault is it that you're mommy works for my mommy? Who's fault is it that My Daddy has 3 more cars than Your daddy? Who's fault is it that my mommy ACTUALLY took the time to get a degree? Who's fault is it that MY daddy worked harder than YOUR daddy and therfor makes more money? WHO'S FAULT IS IT THAT YOUR PARENTS MATE LIKE FUCKING RABBITS AND CAN'T PAY THE RENT BECAUSE YOUR HOUSE IS OVERFLOWING WITH DIRTY INFANTS AND TEENAGERS?   well you know what?   IT'S NOT MINE. so DONT give me SHIT . It just makes you look like a Jealous Idiot. So Don't act like I've had everything handed to me in life because If you knew me you would NEVER have that notion. every time someone sais something about the money my parents make It only makes me HATE them more.     I think I'm going to go back to MPH I had so many friends there and I got straight A's.... heh..they go on better feild trips anyway. If I leave now I might get to go on the spain trip. I find it kind of funny that When I went to MPH /i got better grades than my friends who went to Levy. when MPH is so much harder. AND on top of that Im Dislexic AND adhd. people dare fucking call me stupid? hmm. maybe they should take a better look at themselves.     This wasn't dirrected at any one person. It's directed at the attitude people,including my friends, have towards me.      Going over Torri's today... I really want to hang out with Jalina. =[   +- +- +- +- + -+     It's kind of sad that I have learned to deal with things like this Being strong means being heartless Tell me, how do the scars feel after the wounds heal? Did it burn when they cauterized? Did it show that you were hiding HURT inside? Do your eyes still shine as bright as they did The days when you were at your best? Not that you're all alone and feeling sorry for yourself Did it make sense to lie to me and deceive me like you did? If you run away from me im not running after you If you run away from this dont look back 'cause I'll be gone If you go then I'll forget you when you're gone I WONT MISS YOU     It's been a long time since I've seen you and longer since we talked and the last thing that I said was "could you please help me im lost?" Not im choking on my words All the things I didn't say that could have made it all Okay.   You want to be down with the down and in Always copping my truths I kind of get the feeling like I'm being used And now I realize that you never heard One goddamned word I ever said Losing a whole year I remember you and me used to spend every goddamned day liek best friends     I'll Make you take back the lies And bring the truth to the surface Clean my slate and erase All the black you've tried to Tarnish my name with This is conviction What I have inside you could never posses And because you never understood how I lived You try to disrespect I paid my fucking dues And everything I have in this life I've made from nothing I've done this all on my own That's more than you can say for yourself You disrespect the way I live You take apart what I say You try to judge me Now I'm judging you     +♥+♥ + ♥+ ♥+ ♥+ ♥+ Roll tape and decode the moans

Im at school...in the band room.... [Thursday February 2nd, 2006] ahahahah Jasmine sent me and Icon with some lady on it.it sais "In every group of friends there is a Karen and she is always a bag of douche" .......yeah um.It's funny if you know what the fuck im talking about. I'm really bored I think the bell just  rang so I should probably go to math... blah oh well So Omar is back and his one eye is all up there and the other one is all down there he came up to me and was like "touch my screw" it was really wierd I poked it and he screamed and I got ll freaked out =[ .....people like to take advantage of my retardedness sometimes...... Jasmine and I are talking.... and so are her and Heidi It's cool. But It's wierd because Heidi only started talking to her when me and her hadn't seen eachother or talked;because i was over Tori's house for like 3 weeks I dunno. I'm happy we're all talking but Heidi 's ignoring me whenever she's around I don't think she's doing it on purpose or anything. It's wierd because I'd usualy be worried about Heidi getting hurt But It seems like Heidi might just be talking to her to get back at me or somethign...and I don't want her to be all nice to Jasmine then come crawling to me talking shit. she'll probably get mad at me for wrighting this but I don't care it's how I feel and what I think. It's a stupid Idea I know but If you over-analized things to the extent that I do you'd understand.     I want to start talking to Nicole again...I miss her a lot Because I've just been remembering all the great times we had. I think I've had more fun with her than anyone I know. We're both really different now and have a lot of friends that really dislike eachother, but thats the only thing that stands in the way.... Sam and manda are still talking about me. Just on myspace and shit. I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't bother me because it does. If  I confronted them about it they would probably just say I'm bringing back old stupid drama Plus all they would want to do is agrue...and you know...correct my first grade spelling skills. which really solves nothing unless someone is trying to make a point. It's kind of wierd though because they were making fun of the entry I made about my dentist... first off it's odd that they even read my journal... And second that they still talk about me I don't know It's irritating. I'm not going for the old "Get a life and stop talking to me" Because lets face it We all have time in our lives to talk shit All that matters is if you use it. but any way.. I don't have a problem with either Amanda or Sam and I'm done talking my shit about them I feel like they are the type of people who if we hadn't heard so much shit about eachother Or bitched at eachother before we met we'd probably be friends. I mean while Tim and Sam were going out we were fine We weren't friends but we didn't shoot dirty looks everytime we saw eachother.     I just met this kid Chis He's from Jamaica.... I'm his "First American friend" mwaha I feel special. =] GET THE JELLY TWAT Roll tape and decode the moans

[Wednesday February 1st, 2006] You scream louder than fiction, and you get down on your knees, And tear open your heart, so I can love you and your disease. You Lick the hand that feeds you, and kiss the blade that cuts. I want to fuck you in your God's hands, When your praying bites the dust. Please, Please, Please, Please Let me anoint the lust inside you. Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Let me devalue what's inside you. Hollywood at night hanging around, If this is a must, then dying is a must right now. Roll tape and decode the moans

[Tuesday January 31st, 2006] "I like the vibe in here now.it's like daddy just hit mommy at the dinner table and we're all trying to eat " 1 Roll tape and decode the moans

Loose lips SANK SHIPS and NO ONE SURVIVED [Tuesday January 31st, 2006] ( I went crazy.. ) Roll tape and decode the moans

[Tuesday January 31st, 2006] This is the moment that you know That you told him that you loved him but you don't. You touch his skin and then you think That he is beautiful but he don't mean a thing to me. Yeah, he is beautiful but he don't mean a thing to me. I spent two weeks in Silverlake The California sun cascading down my face There was a boy with light brown streaks And he was beautiful but he didn't mean a thing to me. Yeah he was beautiful but he didn't mean a thing to me. I Wanted to believe in all the words that i was speaking As we moved together in the dark And all the friends that i was telling And all the playful misspellings And every bite i gave you left a mark Tiny vessels oozed into your neck And formed the bruises That you said you didn't want to fade But they did and so did i that day All i see are dark grey clouds In the distance moving closer with every hour So when you ask "was something wrong?" That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now. No, we can't talk about it now." So one last touch and then you'll go And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more But it was vile, and it was cheap And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me Roll tape and decode the moans

[Monday January 30th, 2006] Have you ever felt like you're never good enough for anyone? Like not even people you like... I dont know why the fuck I feel like this. I'm the girl who doesn't give a shit about anyone else. Or what they think. I miss Pat... I mean, I didnt even know him that well when we started going out And now that we're over It feels terrible It feels so stupid because It was so long ago...and we weren't together long at all. We talk online but i see him at the mall with all his friends and he doesn't even glance my way.. And I'm just kind of realizing.. Im not even fucking over Mason. I loved that kid to death and I still do. And it feels like shit. And now I just found out Sam'sgoing out with Pat.. thats great. im out. Roll tape and decode the moans

[Thursday January 26th, 2006] I feel terrible I've been crying since I got home from the dentist I know that sounds pathetic but not If you went to my old dentist [my old dentist=post traumatic stress disorder] My new one is better but Im still so scared They actually wear gloves at this one and they dont pin me down... The old one was shut down for Mal pratice I dont know.... They would give you novacain and gas you when you didnt need it And then when you did they wouldnt give it to you.. They used to use this thing to crank your mouth open.. they'd say "ok tell me when to stop" you would tell them to stop and they would just keep going until you screamed and your parents would try to run in the room but they wouldn't let them in.... they were always dropping things down your throught on accident... they didnt even wear masks like there supposed too... If you were bad they would take you into this small room with a pretty normal looking chair...but they'd strap your arms and legs down... When they filled in cavities they'd use a thing they called a rubber damn... it was supposed to be so I could breath through my nose without inhaling the fumes that would damage my lungs and hurt my eyes but they cut holes in it in the wrong places so shit wouldn't fly in there faces, It would just go in my nose. fuck.they didn't even let you close your mouth to swallow when your throught got dry... and then when they were done they gave you a toy and said that you could keep it if you didnt tell your parents what had happend.... it feel good to get that off my chest.... 2 Roll tape and decode the moans

[Wednesday January 25th, 2006] You scored as Unipolar Depression. Congraulations! You are depressed! You know just how it feels to bear all the world's burdens, and the value of a 19-hour night's sleep. And you really hate that circle-guy thing on your Zoloft pill packets. </td> Unipolar Depression 92% Borderline Personality Disorder 92% Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder 67% Antisocial Personality Disorder 58% Eating Disorders 42% Schizophrenia 33% Which mental disorder do you have? created with QuizFarm.com Roll tape and decode the moans

[Wednesday January 25th, 2006] [URL=http://drawahouse.com/houses/show.asp?houseID=243840&houseHash=5c30a3cf578e3ecb4eae300b31041081] [IMG]http://drawahouse.com/houses/2006/1/26/243840_t.gif[/IMG] Click here to view my house[/URL] Roll tape and decode the moans

[Monday January 23rd, 2006] I'm Alanna I'm from syracuse. (This is my myspace for people who I dont know personally, so that all you old kreepy men can just add me on this and leave my other one the fuck alone) I'm harsh And I'll probably make you cry. When you see me you probably whisper to your friends "See thats that girl who always gives me dirty looks" well.first off.I always look like im about to chop your head off and second Your probably right. I probably DO give you dirty looks. Im not going to convince whoever is reading this how cool or special or genuine I am Or how I hate people that remind me of myself Cause I dont spend my life on this stupid thing. And I don't care what you think. or the "type of person" people think I am cause well Im just, the "type of person" who really doesn't give a flying fuck' about the "Type of person" I am. I live to have fun. to get high get laid maybe become litterate some day and then die. =] Roll tape and decode the moans

[Monday January 23rd, 2006] Im bored...in resource.my journal is fucked up.you can't read the text on most of the entries unless you highlight it.gir. 1 Roll tape and decode the moans

[Monday January 23rd, 2006] Blah.   Friday: Mall with heidi to get stogage', we talked to Dan for a while..finally his friend agreed to get me a pack but eckerd closed :-( It was terrible. I went off with Kevin and two of his friends, there names I can't remember, and smoked some haze...in the park. Then i went back like an hour later, and heidi and I left....I dont remeber what happend after this....maybe I went to torri's? blah I probably passed out at home.   Saturday:  12:00; sleep   1:00; sleep  2:00; sleep.....3:00; wake up.ish.  6:00 go to westcott. 6:30; Heidi's house but she couldnt hang out. So at like 7:00 I saw jon and Elijah. They wasnted me to call loyd for them.but hes dry i think. so then I tried to call paul to get someones number and then I called someone else to get someoneELSES number..and so on. [all because Im kool like that and I'll smoke you up] I got my dad to give us a ride down to Max's. Tyler and Torri and like 10 other people were there. Elijah and Jon got there 8th and left, I satyed. We ran around like retards a while. looked for parties. found one; 5 bucks a motherfucking cup. found another one; Matt invited us, got kicked out. We got bored and went back to Max's. Smoked. Went back outside Because Max's friend's tire got sliced. (Gee...I wonder who could have done that) Stayed out there a while....lit up again.yes in the middle of the road.because we're cool like that. Then me Torri Max and this kid Nick went up to maxs room.sat there.smoked again. Then Tyler Max Torri and I went back to her house. she passed out at like 5 a.m. and I went at like 7:30..   Sunday:I woke up at 2...Matt came over.then Max.Then Tyler. Then a Jamaican guy from our school and this other kid. it was awsome. we had three duches going around in a tiny room in the attic by the time I had to go......   Roll tape and decode the moans

hahaha [Saturday January 21st, 2006] You're a gangsta stoner You love the rap, the blunts, and the bitches. You and your boys cruise around boxing cars and picking up girls. What kind of stoner are you? Roll tape and decode the moans

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